Dear Miss Expert
by Kyndsie
Summary: What would Sarah write to an advice columnist? WARNING: questions only, no answers. Aug 31st: Bird-Watched added.
1. General Situation

**DISCLAIMER: If it's a scene, setting, character, idea, etc from "Labyrinth," then it's (c) Henson, Lucas, Froud, Bowie, Connelly, etc, and NOT MINE.**

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Dear Miss Expert:

I'm having a problem with my family. Well, not all of it, but it feels like it's everybody. It's really my stepmom. She thinks that _I_ think she's a "wicked stepmother" from "all those stories that I still read," and so doesn't listen whenever we don't agree about something. Dad automatically takes her side, and that leaves me out.

Not alone, because I'm left watching their son EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND, with her blaming it all on my not dating as the reason that she doesn't even ask anymore. Since Dad won't listen to me, and my half-brother's too young to care, it seems to me as though really the problem is with _her_.

I guess what I'm asking is "why won't she just go away and leave us alone?!"

By the way, I'm 15 years old, and don't have the option to go live with my Real Mom instead.

Seriously peeved,

Sarah

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_A/N: Short chapters. So... what questions do you think that Sarah would ask an advice columnist? These short chapters aren't really related, and don't come in any particular order that I know (yet)._


	2. Dressing Up

**DISCLAIMER: If it's a scene, setting, character, idea, etc from "Labyrinth," then it's (c) Henson, Lucas, Froud, Bowie, Connelly, etc, and NOT MINE.**

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Dear Miss Expert,

You know how little kids always like to play "dress-up" and make stuff up… well…. I still do that. I go to the public park and recite bits of my favorite stories to my dog, and this random owl that shows up sometimes.

But I'm 15 years old, and my friends say that I'm too old for that. But what's the difference between doing it on my own like that, and trying out for the school plays? (I do that, too, and usually have a lead or secondary lead role.)

Dramatically confused,

Sarah

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_A/N: Maybe Karen's been giving Sarah grief about going out to play "dress-up", and in the public park. Or maybe she's starting wonder if she really ought to grow up (maybe think Wendy in "Peter Pan")._

_Anyway, please help spot typos, send questions & comments._


	3. Pirate or Fae?

**DISCLAIMER: If it's a scene, setting, character, idea, etc from "Labyrinth," then it's (c) Henson, Lucas, Froud, Bowie, Connelly, etc, and NOT MINE. If it's any recognizable character from any other published work, it's completely coincidental, and I don't own it, either.**

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Dear Miss Expert,

We're having a disagreement among my friends and have agreed to let your opinion decide us. Which is more of a cool villain: a pirate or a vengeful fae? (We're not including the whole "ninja question" as we all agree that they're cool by definition but totally their own category.)

The guys keep saying that the girls keep confusing "cool" with "attractive," and they might actually have a point. Seriously, pirates have to end up being totally stinky from being at sea for weeks, while a fae probably doesn't have anything resembling human body odor.

Amusingly divided,

Sarah

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_A/N: Because I do wonder about an only-slightly older Sarah seeing the Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow..._

_You know the drill: spot typos, comment, ask questions. And go over to deviant Art and catch up on Pika's latest GND!_


	4. Glittering Assembly

**DISCLAIMER: If it's a scene, setting, character, idea, etc from "Labyrinth," then it's (c) Henson, Lucas, Froud, Lee, Bowie, Connelly, etc, and NOT MINE. If it's any recognizable character from any other published work, it's completely coincidental, and I don't own it, either.**

I also do not take ANY responsibility for any self-esteem issues, nor the concept of school assemblies.

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Dear Miss Expert,

We had a "self-esteem" school assembly today. *gag* I mean, seriously. Who thought those up? Yeah, some of us listen to them because we're too bored to _not_, or it's just not worth it to misbehave. _Anyway,_ it was all about self-esteem and acceptance and "let people be themselves."

Seriously? What are we, eight years old? We're high school students. The people that need a clue that way aren't going to get it from this. Those who already get it are tired of having their time wasted, and being tempted to skip the assembly or cause problems.

But the problem with paying attention is that now I have a question. How thoroughly are we supposed to accept people "just the way they are"? What if they have some… _habits_ that are annoying. I'm not talking about listening to music that I don't like, or anything creepy or illegal.

What if somebody just won't stop wearing GLITTER with everything?

Fashion-disapproving, but esteemly-confused,

Sarah

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_A/N: How ELSE would Sarah ask for advise about Jareth's... attire?_

_Typos... you spot 'em, I want to know! ("esteemly-confused" is deliberate.)_


	5. Dreams

**DISCLAIMER: If it's a scene, setting, character, idea, etc from "Labyrinth," then it's (c) Henson, Lucas, Froud, Lee, Bowie, Connelly, etc, and NOT MINE.**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to **startraveller776**! When I asked what she'd like for her birthday from me, Labyfic-wise, she said "something quirky and funny" and later on was excited about more installments of this story. Thus... this installment is dedicated to her.

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Dear Miss Expert,

How do I get rid of these dreams that I keep having? Well… not all of them. Just _some_ of them.

I keep having dreams about some things that I haven't seen before, places that I haven't seen, animals that aren't real… and _people_ that I haven't met.

I'll be honest: I really enjoy most of the dreams, except every once in awhile I end up with a weird and nasty smell that I can't seem to get rid of. The only reason that I _know_ that I don't actually stink is because my dog doesn't react any differently to me. Yeah, and I guess that my step-mother would make comments about it. No, my step-mother would _definitely_ make comments about it!

But when I wake up, there's a couple of different songs that keep running through my head, and it's harder and harder to focus on "important" stuff, like homework and baby-sitting and my friends.

So… how do I get these dreams to stay put as dreams, or at least to stop distracting me while I'm trying to take a math test?

Happy dreamer but declining angles,

Sarah

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_A/N: Pre-movie._

_Not sure if Jareth is being mischievous or villainous, anywhere in between, or something else. You decide, and then let me know, please!_

_Typos... you spot 'em, I want to know!_


	6. A touch of weather?

**DISCLAIMER: If it's a scene, setting, character, idea, etc from "Labyrinth," then it's (c) Henson, Lucas, Froud, Lee, Bowie, Connelly, etc, and NOT MINE.**

Happy Birthday to **jinx1764**! She admitted to wanting something funny / romantic, that would make her smile.

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Dear Miss Expert,

When people describe _things,_ like objects, as though they have personalities and choices and the senses, and stuff, maybe I didn't even pay attention to it before. Maybe I just thought it was funny, or that people were trying to show off and be creative or something.

Now… I think those people are actually _right_. But just mostly about when they talk about the wind. They'll say it dances or it sings, it pushes or it leads you along. Except that sometimes it feels as though it's truly holding me in its arms. As though it has fingers on my cheek, running through my hair, playing with my own fingers.

And I like how it feels, but I'm worried.

Wouldn't it be better for me to have a boyfriend for that kind of physical contact, instead of letting my imagination think that an element of the _weather_ can do it?

What's next… thinking that the _rain_ can hold me, or that the sun can _kiss_ me?

Not quite breezing on through,

Sarah

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_A/N: Pre-movie._

_Typos... you spot 'em, I want to know!_

_Is Sarah's imagination running amok? Is Jareth disguising himself? Is there some weather-related magic also interested in this mortal girl?_

_(thanks to **tmwillson3** for spotting extraneous formatting marks!)_


	7. BIrd-Watched

**DISCLAIMER: If it's a scene, setting, character, idea, etc from "Labyrinth," then it's (c) Henson, Lucas, Froud, Lee, Bowie, Connelly, etc, and NOT MINE.** I'm also not an advice columnist. You're always welcome to ask me, though.

This is in thanks to the AMAZING **startraveller776** for much-appreciated beta and general feedback! (and to make her smile as she starts even more juggling IRL.)

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Dear Miss Expert,

I don't even know if you'd know, but I have a question about birds. One kind of bird. An owl, to be precise. I know that owls are nocturnal (_ugh… I owe that English teacher an apology for those vocabulary quizzes that we all hated_), and that they're hunters, and that they're stealthy.

I know that different kinds live in different climates, that most fly, but that some burrow.

I know that different kinds have different coloring.

But can they have eyes of two different colors?

And do they really _watch_ people, and understand what they're saying and doing?

Do they follow us around, as though they make pets of us?

This sounds really stupid to say, but I think there's an owl that has a crush on me. I'm glad at least that he hasn't left any dead rodents on my windowsill.

How do I let him down easy?

Not a fish, but (maybe) loved by a bird,

Sarah

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_A/N: There's bonus points for identifying a saying / proverb / cliche / bromide. :D Just don't ask what you can get with those points._

_And don't tell Sarah to ask an ornithologist for her answer; she'll only glare at you, and toss her head, and not thank you for the suggestion right now. But she'll file the word away to look it up later, and pull it out when it'll most impress a teacher._


End file.
